Four to Two

Since I came from a big family, I knew I wanted many kids of my own someday. I initially wanted four kids, five tops. But I have been thinking hard about it lately. The number of kids I now want to have has dwindled down to a drastic two. Give or take, maybe three. I don’t know if it is even practical (and logical) to have many kids these days. Aside from rising costs rising and fast disappearing good helps, ultimately I want to provide good quality life to my kids. I want to be hands on and devote my full 100% to each of my child, which is less likely to happen when there are more than one (much more three or four) kids around. I could wait and allow for a wider age gap, but I’m not sure if my body clock will still allow it. Hehe I used to not understand couples who announce that they do not plan on ever having any kids or that they just want few kids. Now I am beginning to understand why they do. Reality check, past the red roses and all, it is not always easy especially for those who are not comfortable with the idea of leaving their children under the care of househelps/yayas 24-hours. I, for one have not grown accustomed to leaving my kid with the yaya the whole day. While I trust and depend on my yaya, I still try to supervise and be there (or have a family member stay with him) as much as possible. I actually have a pretty good setup for now. I can work (and go out) regularly and leave my kid with my mom or sisters, but when the time comes the second one arrives (still planning though), I am not sure how this will work out. And since I think too waaay ahead, I am not sure how even a third one will pan out. Well, unless I become a full time/stay at home mom, which I think isn't for me either. Just thinking about it is already making me stressed. That is why I have decided to cut down on my dream number and focus on having two kids (for now).