Since I came from a big family, I knew I wanted many kids of my own someday. I initially wanted four kids, five tops. But I have been thinking hard about it lately. The number of kids I now want to have has dwindled down to a drastic two. Give or take, maybe three. I don’t know if it is even practical (and logical) to have many kids these days. Aside from rising costs rising and fast disappearing good helps, ultimately I want to provide good quality life to my kids. I want to be hands on and devote my full 100% to each of my child, which is less likely to happen when there are more than one (much more three or four) kids around. I could wait and allow for a wider age gap, but I’m not sure if my body clock will still allow it. Hehe I used to not understand couples who announce that they do not plan on ever having any kids or that they just want few kids. Now I am beginning to understand why they do. Reality check, past the red roses and all, it is not always easy especially for those who are not comfortable with the idea of leaving their children under the care of househelps/yayas 24-hours. I, for one have not grown accustomed to leaving my kid with the yaya the whole day. While I trust and depend on my yaya, I still try to supervise and be there (or have a family member stay with him) as much as possible. I actually have a pretty good setup for now. I can work (and go out) regularly and leave my kid with my mom or sisters, but when the time comes the second one arrives (still planning though), I am not sure how this will work out. And since I think too waaay ahead, I am not sure how even a third one will pan out. Well, unless I become a full time/stay at home mom, which I think isn't for me either. Just thinking about it is already making me stressed. That is why I have decided to cut down on my dream number and focus on having two kids (for now).
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Being a Parent
I am going to post all the good reads I find online in this blog so I have something to go back to and remind me of parenthood when the time comes (which is still very far from now. Hehe). I can really relate to each of the nine things mentioned in the article; it's very spot on.
9 Things I Didn't Know I'd Love About Being a Parent
by: Kaylee Scottaline
Despite having a well-stocked library of What to Expect and other "guide books" to being a mommy, there was admittedly a lot I didn't know before becoming a mommy. I addressed a great deal of those lessons here.
But, as I watched my daughter tonight, learning how to put the crown back onto her head after having taken it off, I felt myself smile from deep inside. I'd watched her pull things off of her head for the better part of a year now. This was nothing new. But putting them back on? Yet another new skill kiddo is rapidly getting under her belt. And I was proud. And at that moment, I realized there's a whole other list of things that no one ever told me I'd love about being a parent:
1
When your child learns a new skill, you will be as proud of them for learning how to put a pink, felt crown on their own head as you would be if they'd just cured cancer. (Clearly, not nearly as important in the grand scheme of things, but that's the point. Being a parent means becoming insanely proud of things like going pee pee on the potty).
2
Your child's face will burst into pure delight from simple things like hearing and seeing the water draining from the bath tub. And this delight on your child's face will cause your heart to damn near explode from joy.
3
You will actually learn to function on no sleep. And you will stay up voluntarily at night just to hold your child a little longer and feel her breathing against your chest. You'll even wake up earlier than necessary for work in the morning so that you can manage to squeeze a snuggle session into your morning routine.
4
You won't bat a short, naked eyelash at the fact that you can no longer afford your expensive makeup or skincare products because you have to pay for baby care items instead. One long whiff of your child's hair and none of it matters at all.
5
Your life will turn into a Broadway show where even going down the stairs requires a song and a dance. And these daily, impromptu performances will be the most rewarding performances of your life.
6
You will love this little person more than you have ever loved yourself. Every decision in your life going forward will revolve around your child.
7
The sound of your little one's giggle is all you need to put even the worst day behind you. And a snuggle and unprompted kiss? They can wipe out a whole week of bad.
8
You won't remember how you ever survived making dinner without having a kitchen dance party, singing into a wooden spoon. In your socks and pajamas. At 5:30 p.m.. And you will have so much more fun than you ever did at the club.
9
You will look at your child and feel as if a piece of your heart is walking outside of your body. Because it is.
Let's be honest; being a parent is hard. It is the most difficult and important task any of us will ever undertake. It is also the most rewarding. The contagious smiles, infectious laughter and the bright twinkle in my little girl's big brown eyes is more than enough to make all of the sleepless nights worthwhile. What no one ever told me about being a parent? That I would give life to a child but that child would remind me what it means to live.
9 Things I Didn't Know I'd Love About Being a Parent
by: Kaylee Scottaline
Despite having a well-stocked library of What to Expect and other "guide books" to being a mommy, there was admittedly a lot I didn't know before becoming a mommy. I addressed a great deal of those lessons here.
But, as I watched my daughter tonight, learning how to put the crown back onto her head after having taken it off, I felt myself smile from deep inside. I'd watched her pull things off of her head for the better part of a year now. This was nothing new. But putting them back on? Yet another new skill kiddo is rapidly getting under her belt. And I was proud. And at that moment, I realized there's a whole other list of things that no one ever told me I'd love about being a parent:
1
When your child learns a new skill, you will be as proud of them for learning how to put a pink, felt crown on their own head as you would be if they'd just cured cancer. (Clearly, not nearly as important in the grand scheme of things, but that's the point. Being a parent means becoming insanely proud of things like going pee pee on the potty).
2
Your child's face will burst into pure delight from simple things like hearing and seeing the water draining from the bath tub. And this delight on your child's face will cause your heart to damn near explode from joy.
3
You will actually learn to function on no sleep. And you will stay up voluntarily at night just to hold your child a little longer and feel her breathing against your chest. You'll even wake up earlier than necessary for work in the morning so that you can manage to squeeze a snuggle session into your morning routine.
4
You won't bat a short, naked eyelash at the fact that you can no longer afford your expensive makeup or skincare products because you have to pay for baby care items instead. One long whiff of your child's hair and none of it matters at all.
5
Your life will turn into a Broadway show where even going down the stairs requires a song and a dance. And these daily, impromptu performances will be the most rewarding performances of your life.
6
You will love this little person more than you have ever loved yourself. Every decision in your life going forward will revolve around your child.
7
The sound of your little one's giggle is all you need to put even the worst day behind you. And a snuggle and unprompted kiss? They can wipe out a whole week of bad.
8
You won't remember how you ever survived making dinner without having a kitchen dance party, singing into a wooden spoon. In your socks and pajamas. At 5:30 p.m.. And you will have so much more fun than you ever did at the club.
9
You will look at your child and feel as if a piece of your heart is walking outside of your body. Because it is.
Let's be honest; being a parent is hard. It is the most difficult and important task any of us will ever undertake. It is also the most rewarding. The contagious smiles, infectious laughter and the bright twinkle in my little girl's big brown eyes is more than enough to make all of the sleepless nights worthwhile. What no one ever told me about being a parent? That I would give life to a child but that child would remind me what it means to live.
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Donya Problems
Getting married has taught me a lot of things—keeping house is one of them. Now that my husband and I live on our own, the groceries, utility and household bills (and househelps) has taken up a huge chunk of not only our pockets, but also our time and energy. It is especially stressful to tend to the househelps. It is not that easy to find a good help these days. And when you do find a good one, it is equally stressful when they decide to leave. Who are you to stop them from finding greener pastures right? Sometimes I am so tempted to just not hire anymore. Not only will it do us good financially, it will also give us a lot of peace of mind. I wish I could say I do not need them. But I do. That is the harsh truth. As much as I want to be self-sufficient, I can’t. I need someone to help me with my toddler. I need someone who can take care of the house so I can work or have some alone time. If it was two years ago when it just me and the hubby, I can confidently do without a help. But it is a different story now as we have a toddler and we are planning to have another one. As much as I hate to say it, I am dependent on them.
I wonder how Western families do it. They are able to get by without any helps at all. They are able to juggle everything—work a living, keep house, and tend to the kids, then squeeze in some “me” time somewhere in there if possible at all. Phew! It sounds tiring right? As I have noticed, most Western kids are more independent than their counterparts because they are taught and exposed early on, whereas, kids here are more dependent and sheltered (even until they reach college!). I have always wondered maybe if I was brought up without any household helps, today will be entirely different. Say what household helps?
For now, I have to adjust and slowly train myself to be more self-sufficient. It is actually easy. What is hard is the sacrifice that you are going to have to make for yourself—for example, time to watch your downloaded shows in bed versus time to wash the dishes? Time to sleep in more versus time to feed and bathe the baby? Yes there are trade-offs. Househelps make our life easier and convenient, but then they also give us plenty of headaches. As they say we can and cannot live without them. I cannot wait for the day when I can really say that I don’t need them anymore.
I wonder how Western families do it. They are able to get by without any helps at all. They are able to juggle everything—work a living, keep house, and tend to the kids, then squeeze in some “me” time somewhere in there if possible at all. Phew! It sounds tiring right? As I have noticed, most Western kids are more independent than their counterparts because they are taught and exposed early on, whereas, kids here are more dependent and sheltered (even until they reach college!). I have always wondered maybe if I was brought up without any household helps, today will be entirely different. Say what household helps?
For now, I have to adjust and slowly train myself to be more self-sufficient. It is actually easy. What is hard is the sacrifice that you are going to have to make for yourself—for example, time to watch your downloaded shows in bed versus time to wash the dishes? Time to sleep in more versus time to feed and bathe the baby? Yes there are trade-offs. Househelps make our life easier and convenient, but then they also give us plenty of headaches. As they say we can and cannot live without them. I cannot wait for the day when I can really say that I don’t need them anymore.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Happy Birthday!
We celebrated Rafa’s 2nd birthday last January 3. We initially didn’t want to plan anything as we wanted to have just a simple dinner with the family. But we ended with a swimming party instead. I am lucky to have an aunt who generously agreed to host the party at her place. It was also timely we had relatives from Hong Kong who were in town. All of my nieces and nephews combined makes one noisy (and fun!) party. More than anything else, aside from celebrating my son’s birthday, it was a nice family gathering. It was good seeing everyone enjoying and having a happy time. I am also grateful our cake supplier agreed to make his Mickey Mouse Clubhouse themed cake even if it was such short notice. It was a hectic day but I think the little boy enjoyed his special day.
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| Rafa's Cake |
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| Willie the Giant |
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| Mickey Mouse Clubhouse Topper Cupcakes |
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| Mickey Mouse Clubhouse |
Friday, December 6, 2013
On Turning Two
Rafa is turning 2 in January. I'm amazed at his development. He is a smart boy. He learned his ABCs, 123s, colors, and shapes early. I think being hands on helped a lot. Ever since he was a few months old, I would play with him using flashcards and books, every single day. My friends were amused because they felt I was very matiyaga to do this. They would ask me if Rafa would even understand at a very young age. I answer, maybe or maybe not. But there's no harm in trying. Fast forward to a few months after, I'm surprised Rafa has taken a lot of interest in books and flashcards. He doesn't really play with his toys much. He likes playing with his ABCs and numbers more than his toys. It is very evident in all of his flashcards and book as it is well-used; some already tattered and torn. I also noticed he can grasp concepts easily and his memory is very sharp. This has led me to think that early teaching (even just the simple showing of flashcards) indeed plays a big factor. We sometimes take for granted that kids will not understand us, but never underestimate the power of a child's (or a baby's) mind. They say the first four years of a child's life is where they can learn and absorb things fast. That is why we have to take that window of opportunity to teach them, as this will also help shape and form their values later on.
Easy to say right? With so many things to do and errands to run, it is very tempting to just turn on the television or give them the ipad instead. It sounds convenient but it isn't in the long run. Although I admit I also do turn on the tv and give into the ipad occasionally, but only when I really need to do something important. I always make a conscious effort to allot time to teach and guide Rafa when he plays. It took a lot of adjustment for me at first (as it is with everything related to motherhood) since a huge chunk of my time and energy is devoted to him. But it was only when I consciously decided that I was going to prioritize him first above anything else and that, THIS is what matters the most to me that I stopped struggling with everything. It was when I accepted my reality that I cannot conquer the world all at once that I soon began to enjoy motherhood. Perhaps I just need to take a back seat, enjoy, and make the most out of this particular season of my life. Seeing Rafa grow into the boy he is now makes me the happiest and proudest mom. I could not ask for anything more.
Easy to say right? With so many things to do and errands to run, it is very tempting to just turn on the television or give them the ipad instead. It sounds convenient but it isn't in the long run. Although I admit I also do turn on the tv and give into the ipad occasionally, but only when I really need to do something important. I always make a conscious effort to allot time to teach and guide Rafa when he plays. It took a lot of adjustment for me at first (as it is with everything related to motherhood) since a huge chunk of my time and energy is devoted to him. But it was only when I consciously decided that I was going to prioritize him first above anything else and that, THIS is what matters the most to me that I stopped struggling with everything. It was when I accepted my reality that I cannot conquer the world all at once that I soon began to enjoy motherhood. Perhaps I just need to take a back seat, enjoy, and make the most out of this particular season of my life. Seeing Rafa grow into the boy he is now makes me the happiest and proudest mom. I could not ask for anything more.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Best Thing Ever
Sometimes all we need is a reminder that what we have is an incredible gift. We should not be so intent in counting down the days that we forget to make every moment count. We need to enjoy this journey called motherhood and cherish all the highs and lows that come along with it. Soon our little ones will grow and we can look back, reminisce on the good old days, and proudly say, "I had the best adventure of my life."
10 Ways Having a Toddler is The Best Thing In The Universe
by: SELENA MAE
These toddlers of ours, they seem to get a lot of flack – especially in the blogging world! I can’t excuse myself from this; I’m a part of the “guilty” party.
I mean, the crazy things these small, beautiful children do are funny. Exasperating. Frustrating. Maddening.
But they are also soul-filling, heart-rendering, earth-shatteringly amazing. As much as I appreciate the community of moms and dads I’ve found online and in real life, those ones who can commiserate with me when I’m haggard and at my wit’s end, I appreciate what my kids do for me even more.
Which, one would hope, is how it should be; that for every tantrum there is tooth-gaping grin and squeaky voice at the end of the day that bestows the best, “I wuv you mama,” that you’ve ever heard. The chubbiest arms that flop and grab at you around your neck to pull you in close, building up your reserves for yet another day in the land of the grand, the bad, and the mighty.
Life with toddlers doesn’t suck nearly as much as life with other adults can. In fact, they can be quite the refreshing reprieve…
1 Cuddles
No one knows how to cuddle so sweetly more than a toddler. That moment when I pick up my girl from daycare, or my guy from school, and a huge smile spreads across their face as they come running at me, melts my heart. Every single time. Rocking them and singing songs is still the best way that I have to get them to go to sleep peacefully as they curl up in my lap or lay their little noggin on my shoulder, curling up into the curve of my neck. It's in these moments where I press my nose into their hair, inhale deeply, and wish for time to stand still. Any stress from the day slowly withers away. That's all it takes. A cuddle session with both or one of them and I'm golden.
2 Only You
That moment when no one else but me will do. When their arms reach for me and only me. When they shy away from a new person and their little bodies scurry around to the back of my knees, holding on with all their might, and looking up at me for all the answers. All of the reassurance that they need. Those are some mighty fine feel-good moments right there and they happen all the time.
3 Different Perspectives
Oh, all of the things us adults think we have figured out, or that were SO important before we have kids. Now, I'm not saying that those without children don't really know what life is all about, but one's ideas on what's really important in life does change after having kids. This isn't about parents vs. non-parents. This is about seeing the world, people, and experiences through my child's eyes. I've let go of some of my narcissism, self-doubt, selfishness, and self-entitlement and it's taken a few years for all of that to sink in. Their childlike perspective and necessary demands on my time both have a hand in re-shaping the way I think about things in life. For the better.
4 Appearance
Admittedly, I have a grand time in dressing my children. Which has nothing to do with the amazingness of their endless curls, silky soft skin, luxurious lashes, or big beautiful eyes. Accessories only put it all over the top. As do their humorous antics, penchant for entertaining, interpretative dance moves, and constant songs on their tongues. In miniature, unabashed form. I love how social, care-free, and creative they are in most all that they do.
5 That Toddler-Speak
I mean, it's just non-stop entertainment, the things these toddlers say! From unfortunate mispronunciations to silly stories and exaggerated gestures, it truly is a joy watching and listening to their vocabulary, minds and imaginations develop. It happens multiple times a day where one of my children will say something that slays me with adorableness or humour and they don't even realize. Often my partner and I will look at each-other during these times as if to say, "THIS, this right here makes everything worth it."
6 Unconditional Love
This two way street is the glue. The magic that people hope for in life. No matter what happened that day, this is the look my little ones give me most often, and I to them as well.
7 Discovery
Watching my childrens' interests develop, watching and fostering their learning as they become more brilliant as each day passes, is the most satisfying, rewarding job I've ever had.
8 Laughter
When all else fails a good round of play wrestling, tickling, swinging them up in the air, belly kisses, and general tom foolery of that sort is all we (or they) really need or want. No materials or award winning toys necessary, just them and us. Hearing those little gurgles of laughter, squeaks of joy, and uncontrollable fits of belly laughs are some of the best sounds I hear during my day.
9 Teachers
What I think I know, I don't. Even when I think I have it all figured out, my kids show me another way, teaching me new lessons every day.
10 Gamers
Kids can make a game out of anything. A song or a even just a chorus on demand. The world is their personal play-house and nothing will get in their way. It's like they have a direct line to this big, pulsing jackpot of imagination and they have no fear about tapping into it, all the time.
10 Ways Having a Toddler is The Best Thing In The Universe
by: SELENA MAE
These toddlers of ours, they seem to get a lot of flack – especially in the blogging world! I can’t excuse myself from this; I’m a part of the “guilty” party.
I mean, the crazy things these small, beautiful children do are funny. Exasperating. Frustrating. Maddening.
But they are also soul-filling, heart-rendering, earth-shatteringly amazing. As much as I appreciate the community of moms and dads I’ve found online and in real life, those ones who can commiserate with me when I’m haggard and at my wit’s end, I appreciate what my kids do for me even more.
Which, one would hope, is how it should be; that for every tantrum there is tooth-gaping grin and squeaky voice at the end of the day that bestows the best, “I wuv you mama,” that you’ve ever heard. The chubbiest arms that flop and grab at you around your neck to pull you in close, building up your reserves for yet another day in the land of the grand, the bad, and the mighty.
Life with toddlers doesn’t suck nearly as much as life with other adults can. In fact, they can be quite the refreshing reprieve…
1 Cuddles
No one knows how to cuddle so sweetly more than a toddler. That moment when I pick up my girl from daycare, or my guy from school, and a huge smile spreads across their face as they come running at me, melts my heart. Every single time. Rocking them and singing songs is still the best way that I have to get them to go to sleep peacefully as they curl up in my lap or lay their little noggin on my shoulder, curling up into the curve of my neck. It's in these moments where I press my nose into their hair, inhale deeply, and wish for time to stand still. Any stress from the day slowly withers away. That's all it takes. A cuddle session with both or one of them and I'm golden.
2 Only You
That moment when no one else but me will do. When their arms reach for me and only me. When they shy away from a new person and their little bodies scurry around to the back of my knees, holding on with all their might, and looking up at me for all the answers. All of the reassurance that they need. Those are some mighty fine feel-good moments right there and they happen all the time.
3 Different Perspectives
Oh, all of the things us adults think we have figured out, or that were SO important before we have kids. Now, I'm not saying that those without children don't really know what life is all about, but one's ideas on what's really important in life does change after having kids. This isn't about parents vs. non-parents. This is about seeing the world, people, and experiences through my child's eyes. I've let go of some of my narcissism, self-doubt, selfishness, and self-entitlement and it's taken a few years for all of that to sink in. Their childlike perspective and necessary demands on my time both have a hand in re-shaping the way I think about things in life. For the better.
4 Appearance
Admittedly, I have a grand time in dressing my children. Which has nothing to do with the amazingness of their endless curls, silky soft skin, luxurious lashes, or big beautiful eyes. Accessories only put it all over the top. As do their humorous antics, penchant for entertaining, interpretative dance moves, and constant songs on their tongues. In miniature, unabashed form. I love how social, care-free, and creative they are in most all that they do.
5 That Toddler-Speak
I mean, it's just non-stop entertainment, the things these toddlers say! From unfortunate mispronunciations to silly stories and exaggerated gestures, it truly is a joy watching and listening to their vocabulary, minds and imaginations develop. It happens multiple times a day where one of my children will say something that slays me with adorableness or humour and they don't even realize. Often my partner and I will look at each-other during these times as if to say, "THIS, this right here makes everything worth it."
6 Unconditional Love
This two way street is the glue. The magic that people hope for in life. No matter what happened that day, this is the look my little ones give me most often, and I to them as well.
7 Discovery
Watching my childrens' interests develop, watching and fostering their learning as they become more brilliant as each day passes, is the most satisfying, rewarding job I've ever had.
8 Laughter
When all else fails a good round of play wrestling, tickling, swinging them up in the air, belly kisses, and general tom foolery of that sort is all we (or they) really need or want. No materials or award winning toys necessary, just them and us. Hearing those little gurgles of laughter, squeaks of joy, and uncontrollable fits of belly laughs are some of the best sounds I hear during my day.
9 Teachers
What I think I know, I don't. Even when I think I have it all figured out, my kids show me another way, teaching me new lessons every day.
10 Gamers
Kids can make a game out of anything. A song or a even just a chorus on demand. The world is their personal play-house and nothing will get in their way. It's like they have a direct line to this big, pulsing jackpot of imagination and they have no fear about tapping into it, all the time.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
Stage Parenting
Parents are more competitive these days. Kids are put under a lot of pressure to excel early into their childhood. I see parents who endlessly boast of their child’s achievements and make shameless comparisons so they can put their kid on a pedestal. “Look! My kid has learned to walk before his 1st birthday” or “Oh, my kid is more behaved than her”. That kind of thing. The competition is cutthroat among the adults in making sure their child is THE best. While I perfectly understand that some parents are really just happy and proud, sometimes it can be a bit too much. I am a proud parent myself but I am not the type who would openly talk about my kid’s accomplishments unless asked. I would rather let my kid shine on his own without forcing him to “perform”. As much as possible I also stop myself from doing comparisons since a child’s growth and development vary and will ultimately depend on the child. When parents announce their kid’s achievements, I restrain myself not to outcompete them even if it is true. I just agree and let them indulge.
I am making a mental note to myself that I will do the more relaxed type of parenting. Chill parenting as they call it. I will not (and refuse) to be a stage parent. If my kid decides to throw a tantrum in front of everybody or if he decides to run around and not sit still, then so be it. He is a KID after all. I do not need to rush things and make him the perfect model child. Who is anyway? There will be a right time for everything—he will eventually learn, just not now.
I am making a mental note to myself that I will do the more relaxed type of parenting. Chill parenting as they call it. I will not (and refuse) to be a stage parent. If my kid decides to throw a tantrum in front of everybody or if he decides to run around and not sit still, then so be it. He is a KID after all. I do not need to rush things and make him the perfect model child. Who is anyway? There will be a right time for everything—he will eventually learn, just not now.
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